Hello Korio
26. 05. 2016

A list, by Kelly.

White chocolate

Scented trash bags

Scented tampons

People who open a straw and just leave the paper right there, the trash can is 4 steps away, what the fuck is wrong with you

That thing where you get a really low grade fever which is just no big deal at all except your whole gottdanged body hurts like someone beat you with a baseball bat

The way EVERY phone system says, “please listen closely as our menu has changed.” Listen, you can’t all have recently changed your options. It has NOT, you KNOW it has not, and I know it has not, you’re just trying to politely say “please don’t mash 0 til you get to speak to a person, you impatient asshole.”

OH AND THOSE PHONE SYSTEMS THAT MAKE YOU TALK so you’re yelling “NEW SERVICE” or “REPRESENTATIVE” over and over and over until you JUST MASH 0 TIL SOMEONE SPEAKS TO YOU

The farts of dogs who have recently gotten into cat food

Childrens’ games that take 10 minutes to set up for 45 seconds of playing

Desserts and other dishes that involve hot fruit

When the shower curtain won’t stop sticking to you because you can’t get the shower head adjusted exactly right so it hits you in the dead center of the back so you have to stand off center in the shower.

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This is Stitches. He is an Abomination.

When you’re just trying to have casual chit chat with a customer and they start going off about some random topic in such a way that all you can do is just not say anything else at all because it turns out they’re kind of a racist or an asshole or a racist asshole and they’re talking like of COURSE you agree with them, like it’s assumed you’re the same kind of asshole, when you’re actually a totally different kind of asshole

That thing where when you flex your foot or stretch your back and you know as you’re doing it you’re going too far but you do it anyway and then get the massive cramp you knew you were going to get

When you get a new phone and it automatically adds all of your email contacts as ACTUAL contacts so you’ve got like 8000 people you’ve only ever emailed one time ever and didn’t even enjoy that one interaction

The way children behave in such a way sometimes that you’ve got to threaten to take away stuff YOU ACTUALLY ALSO WANTED TO DO and then you have to follow through with it

BMI measurements at a 5 year old well check you just fuck right off with that

Ok, I think that’s it for now.

12 responses to “Abominations.”

  1. Swistle says:

    OMG. OMG. OMG YES.

  2. Suzanne says:

    HOT FRUIT. Especially hot berries. Shudder.

  3. Abbie says:

    All, but especially the last one. And especially if your pediatrician is a woman who is 5’10” and 115 lbs.

  4. Jess says:

    I especially hate the cramp thing.

  5. Jesabes says:

    I’m glad SOMEONE is on my side with the hot fruit thing. It’s terrible!

  6. Dr. Maureen says:

    Scented tampons are a thing that exists? This may be the worst of the abominations you have listed.

  7. shin ae says:

    The casual chit chat turned racist/other kind of assholeish rant happens to me all too often. WHY? It makes me so, so angry! WHY do these people assume I hold their views, sometimes EVEN AFTER I have EXPLICITLY told them I don’t? Do they not believe me? Are they TRYING to pick a fight? I am considering the purchase of appropriate t-shirts in bulk: many, many Obama, Hillary, and other such t-shirts. I will just point to the t-shirt and give a pointed look.

  8. Sister says:

    CAT FOOD DOG FAAAAAAAARTS

  9. I’d have put the scented trash bags in the first 100 places because they give me frickin’ migraines, and I’m pretty MEH about white chocolate, but other that that… YES. YES!

    Also, hot fruit? I like fruit. If I wanted to scald the inside of my mouth, I’d eat something not-delicious. Like a lit votive candle or something. I LIKE COLD PIE. Or room temp, that’s okay too. Hot fruit can… oh, wait. It probably already is in Hades. Hmm.

  10. Jenny Grace says:

    The BMI measurement at my son’s INFANT WELL CHECKS.
    THIS IS YOUR TWO MONTH OLD BABY’S BMI.
    EXCUSE ME ARE YOU KIDDING

  11. H says:

    White chocolate isn’t even chocolate. It is almond bark without the almond. So basically it is bark.

    I do, however, like the hot fruit.

  12. Libby says:

    I want to meet the person who invented scented tampons so I can punch them in the face.

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